Eden Prairie Companion.
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THOUGHTS ON HOMESCHOOLING: A LOOK BACK.



Okay, I know people are curious! What is all this home-school stuff really about anyway?!? Is it bad? What are the side-effects? Can I still operate heavy machinery*?!
First of all, just let me say this. It's not for everybody! And that's the truth! Like who?

Well, if you:

* Enjoy going to the restroom at your own free will
* Like to eat at your own free will
* Enjoy listening to music more than a sitcom a day
* Enjoy thinking
* Like people not just picked accordingly to a bus route

Then you're set for homeschooling and don't worry, winning the spelling bee just comes natural with the dozens (half of keefer northerland's newest broadway commercial blitz for those not in public school) of hours in front of the kitchen cabinet and Cheaters season finales!

And the most important thing that everyone knows (even science!): HOMESCHOOLED KIDS? HAHAH, WEIRD FREAKS! While, yes, this is true (it is), in today's world, weird freaks can pretty much do ANYTHING normal freaks can! (almost)! It may be hard to accept, but it is true great ideas could be accomplished alone and without getting fucked up with twelve buddies at TGI's every Friday! (If I left the f, it would've been so redundant!)

And the stamp of quality is in the title. "Public" ensures that right at the bat, look at any public facility, i.e. Public Restrooms, Public Libraries, Public Enemy, etc. Homeschooling is really public school's ugly little redheaded step-child brother. And stepdad too, like the movie. (Not Stepdad 2 to clarify, for those reading this out to your lesser-willed blind friends). Or was that movie Dad-In-Law? Or something? Whatever. And Public School is like ...The Shining I guess. The remake. Just the maze part though, and you're completely fucking lost and your dad is chasing you with an axe and it's snowing and shit. Or inflatable plastic hammer you win at a carnival ball-toss, I don't remember the remake clearly, I know they watered it down. No hobgoblin gramma titties this time, Jack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuckxxxx u ABC. Got it?**

Anyway, so like, public school was thought up in 1900 by Abraham and Abrahams (of famous lawfirm Johnson and Johnson) in Nebraska, when a Scientist discovered humans, at birth, were at fault. A social and educational fault. We're pretty stupid until we're learned in rooms with 12 kids who don't give a fuck and 4 kids who give a fuck and will die before they have a chance to take back said fuck!!!!!!!! So like, he basically came to the conclusion that humans are born without friends, which is a total mind blowing truth, and with that... Something has to be done. That gave A and A (Of J and J) the amazingly graced and gifted (bless u lord, rip) idea we all know today as, "The greatest times of our livezz". Let's put 700 of these awkward fuckers in a big box and yell at them and then make them run! That's completely natural AND understandable, fuck yes! And then over time came the Gym Coach (who, if male, is always a bundle of youthful fun and understanding rapped tightly in a firm, buttercupped torso with 8888 paxx (rip 2pac) and muscles, surely!) and then the friends who are all willing to learn and discover life side-to-side with you!

I could see why that much time to yourself is dangerous though, really! It's all that limiting education by yourself shit, it's insane. I need what I want told to me when they want to tell it to me!

But really, the moral is, no, you may not have the hall pass. I don't care. You should've thought about that before the bell when you had plenty of time to go to the restroom, Jessica. 7 minutes is the studies-indicating-science proveddd time allotted for one bathroom break***, Jesus. You have a 45 minute lunch period. Seriously.

I mean.

Home is where the heart is. Not the school. School is where the heart dismayingly goes every monday to friday (except for snowdays and jesus days) from the sunny (sunny=happy!) hours of 6:30 - 2:30! ( Times vary upon state's political stance).


*get pussy **got milk ***got pussy milk